I remember it like it was yesterday. The phone call that changed my life forever. My mother’s voice shaking as she told me the news that my father had passed away. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. The grief was overwhelming.
My father was always a hard-working man. He worked overseas for most of my life to support our family. I knew he was always doing his best for us, but it also meant that he wasn’t around for a lot of important moments in my life. He wasn’t there for my high school graduation, or my 2 college graduations (both Nursing and Mass Communications). But I understood why. He was sacrificing so much for us.
The hardest part of my grief was not being able to tell my father the biggest secret I had been carrying for years. I was gay. And I had finally found a partner who accepted me for who I am. I wanted to share that with my father, but now I’ll never have the chance.
The “what could’ve been” and “what ifs” haunt me daily. What if I had told my father what I was when I had the chance? What if I had called him more often? What if I had been able to say goodbye before he passed away? The regrets and missed opportunities weigh heavily on my heart. But I try to find solace in the memories I have with my father and the love he always showed me. I know he would want me to keep moving forward and make the most of my life, even without him by my side.
I miss my father every day. The grief never really goes away, it just becomes a part of who you are. But I find comfort in knowing that he was a good man who loved his family and did everything he could to provide for us.
I hope that wherever he is, he knows how much I love him and how proud I am of him. And even though he wasn’t physically present for all of my significant milestones, I know he was always with me in spirit, cheering me on. I miss you, Dad.